Where have I been?

So... The last time I posted here was in April and then I went missing... 

A lot has happened in the last few months and I couldn't bring myself to write for numerous reasons.

It all started in April when a friendship began to be toxic and I couldn't cope.

Why treat your friends like crap? It's something I have never understood and still to this day it has not stopped. At that time, I accepted it and have now learned that I should have stepped up and said something when it happened. I was treated like this until about... last week where I just said no.

I've been called a liar and rumours have spread around various friendship groups.

This has caused my anxiety to be worse than it had been before April and I will discuss in the blog further down the page.

My advice for anyone who feels as if they are in a toxic relationship or friendship is to confront the person immediately or you will have a sh*t few weeks, months, year. Be the bigger person and walk away as you do not deserve to be treated like a piece of dirt. 

In may, I had my English Exam which I think went better than expected. Results are in August and I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

I also had the instagramGraded unit for college to complete and I am happy to announce that I managed to get my A.  I got 90/100 marks and I am so impressed with myself. The stress was worth it in the end and the constant anxiety attacks which made me want to quit multiple times pushed me further than I thought they would.

In terms of reading, I have not read as much as anticipated as I just wasn't in the right mindset.

My Instagram has been unused and I just really let it slip away but hopefully, I can fix this within the next few weeks. I have only read 4 books since April which is lower than anticipated but hopefully, I can build on this in the coming months. I am not going to reach my reading score but I am okay with that as I have had a lot on and would rather read my books so i can enjoy them, rather than rushing them. Let's hopefully see a difference in the coming weeks.

Anxiety. Panic Attacks. Generally feeling down.

The last few months have been... hard. I have never felt as down as I have as there was just a lot happening and I could not cope with the pressure of it all.

There was a body confidence issue which I am still going through. I just want to look good but I just dont have the oomph to make progress. After my holidays the next 2 weeks, I am determined to get into a routine. 

The College stress really worked against me at times as I couldn't deal with the big characters.

I am someone who likes to work well and get everything finidhed on time and well and some of these people just love to bring you down. Thank god that is over with.

Friendships also cause anxiety as i said due to fake rumours. I seem to be the target of one person's hate and it took me back to a couple of years ago where I lost my best friend as she basically just dropped me. This feel the exact same. So instead of being dropped, I decided to walk away this time as I was not having verbal abuse screamed at me through a screen and the phone. 

My panic attacks have been at an all time high and are effecting many situations.

This includes driving and work. I have just not been happy.

However, Lets make this positive. I have learned who my true friends are the last few weeks and who is willing to listen and help you through your problems and those who you sit and tell and seem to have no interest whatsover. 

I am working on my life and as of right now, I seem happy.

Life is getting better as new friendships are budding and old connections are coming back to me and making me a truly happy guy.

I am aware that most viewers  have probably forgot about me but its time for a revamp.

I have a new logo and I'm prepared to write my feelings more openly.

Prepare for some reviews and general chit chat.

Thanks for reading today!

Ross